I hate you
by Dany le fou
Summary: Set at the end of chapter 100 - A quick look into Clare's mind as she fails to awaken


Disclaimer : I don't own Claymore. If I did, Raki would already have his own harem.

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**I hate you**

"Weren't you not supposed to be able to Awaken?" Priscilla's detached voice asked with a hint of confusion even though her face conveyed no emotion.

Between her injuries and the backlash from her aborted Awakening, Clare barely managed to find the strength to glare at the embodiment of everything she loathed. The exact same face Clare remembered met her, unchanged by the years, perfectly recognizable in either of her forms. The exact same expression too, not smiling nor frowning, a simple mask of indifference that showed a plain fact : that nothing in this world could affect this creature.

'I hate you.'

Unlike mere minutes earlier, Priscilla was not pushing her down, sparing the fallen warrior the humiliation of being pinned by a foot pressing on her head. But somehow, this made the situation worse for Clare for no matter what, she could not force her traitorous body to move. As a result, lying there face down in front of the impassive woman in tattered clothes, the Destroyer's organic projectiles raining around them, it looked like Clare was willingly prostrating herself before a god.

'I hate you.'

Clare knew she stood no chance against Priscilla even if she completely Awakened yet she did not care. It didn't matter if she died as long as she got just a chance to achieve her revenge. This was this instant she had wished for, suffered for, and lived for.

And now that it had come, _they_ denied it to her.

'I hate you.'

Clare could almost feel the metaphorical chains binding her, cutting off her power and restraining her body as her mind howled in impotent rage and her soul demanded revenge. She knew who the people holding her down were.

Her humanity, the result of a repaid debt, seemed indefectibly bound to her by the very life it had cost ; her fallen comrade now guarding it with unflinching dedication against her own foolishness.

The parting gift of her temporary mentor, her salvation in desperate times, now stiff and heavier than lead, threatening to lose its grip on her sword as if to convince her to give up the fight she could not win.

Even the slightly crazed voice whispering in her ears commanded her to stop, stating that she had not entrusted her revenge to a fool who would deliberately make the same mistake she had.

Though Clare wanted to scream that she didn't care, a lifetime of feelings, joy and sorrow, love and hate that had been carved into her forced their way into her mind, as if to remind her of what she would lose if she surrendered to the temptation.

'I hate you.'

Clare knew she could have fought them, ignored their warnings and pleas and unleashed the monster residing in her – useless as it may be. No matter how important they were, these four people could not compete with the hatred coursing through her veins.

The last two however…

Had she been able to, Clare would have touched her stomach which seemed to be radiating a feeling of deep sadness and regret. At the moment, Clare once again felt _her_ lonely yet kind silver eyes on her, just like she had when _she_ had still been alive, and just like after her transformation into a hybrid all those years ago. _She_ had not wanted Clare to follow the path of a hybrid back then, and now, she was trying to prevent Clare from following the one of the monster.

The person Clare would never forget… The one she had devoted her life to…

Contrasting with the cool numbness emanating from her stomach, Clare could have sworn she felt a gentle pair of arms wrapping around her and the phantom wetness of tears on her skin, the echo of an embrace that had once saved her. How she longed for this so sweet human warmth, how she would find it again, all she had to do was truly hold her side of their promise instead of the lie she wanted to convince herself of.

The person Clare would recognize despite the years… the one who had devoted his life to _her_…

Only they could match the intensity of the emotions Priscilla raised in her, casting a beacon of humanity in the dark ocean of hatred she wanted to drown into.

'I hate you.'

Awakening meant losing them, and no matter what she said, she didn't want to. The bond she shared with them was deeper than friendship, respect or duty.

Tears started to fall from Clare's silver eyes.

'I hate you for loving me.'

Even as she thought these words, Clare knew she was lying to herself.

Because she loved them too.


End file.
